Making it

I knew it was going to be hard when Brett was no longer "living" in our house. I’m not sure I was quite prepared for just how hard. Once again, so focused on myself, I didn’t realize how hard it would be for Dale & Brett.

Quite honestly, I mostly worried about me & Renee. Renee’s actually done better than all of us. (I am so proud of her!) Once Brett went to the Wesley foundation on Sunday, he recovered pretty quickly as well. For me, it will be not only day to day but probably hour by hour. Sometimes, I just feel like something's wrong and then realize that it's just me missing him. Funny, because he was never home anyway. He was either at Renee's, work or Jeffrey's. It was just the knowledge that he would be home. (I could peek into his room and watch him sleep.)

I truly was not prepared for Dale to act just as lost as I felt. We really rely on one another, but I realized this weekend just how much. We've shared a lot this weekend. I can see where the “empty nest” either makes couple’s closer or drives them apart. I know we will be closer! I love him so much, and he truly makes me feel loved! I hope that he knows just how much I love him!

Yesterday morning, was the worst. Not having Brett to ride to church. It was always a time that I actually had some one on one time with him. I walked into Sunday School having a wee bit of a pity party. Then we read the first verse of our lesson.


Job Chapter 4 Verses 1-6 (The Message Bible)
1-6Then Eliphaz from Teman spoke up:

"Would you mind if I said something to you? Under the circumstances it's hard to keep quiet.
You yourself have done this plenty of times, spoken words
that clarify, encouraged those who were about to quit.
Your words have put stumbling people on their feet,
put fresh hope in people about to collapse.
But now you're the one in trouble—you're hurting!
You've been hit hard and you're reeling from the blow.
But shouldn't your devout life give you confidence now?
Shouldn't your exemplary life give you hope?

What a baby, I was being. Aren't I always the one telling people not to "borrow trouble", "don't worry about the things you can't control", "be happy, don't let others steal your joy", "we've got to let them grow up their not our babies anymore", blah blah blah. I wasn't even remotely following my own advice, and God called me on it, using Eliphaz's words to Job. I felt like they were being directly spoken to me.

By the time I got to church I was feeling quite a bit better, then we sang the hymn
"What a friend we have in Jesus" Words by Jo­seph M. Scriv­en and Music by Charles C. Con­verse,

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful? Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer!

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised, Thou wilt all our burdens bear.
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded, there will be no need for prayer. Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Recently I wrote about friends, how could I have forgotten Jesus? When I think about the sacriface God made for us with His Only Son, I scarce can breathe. I feel so ungrateful. But then, I still miss Brett. I'm so thankful that my son is not "gone" in the literal sense, I'll see him next weekend. What about all of my friends that have lost their children? Again, I stand in awe of their strength. Again, I realize that they don't do it alone. They all have relationships with God and I know that He lifts them up. He promises that they'll see their childen again, and what a joyful reunion! He is always there, speaking to us, comforting us, we just have to listen.